It just makes me so angry to see people throw their money away at casinos. Gambling is an art. It’s not something you do willy nilly because you think the possibility of losing money is a “thrill”. It isn’t. It ruins lives. And it just upsets me when people think that gambling is a game. Let’s get one thing straight. Gambling is not a game. Casino games are not “games”. Gambling is a career. Like painting, like playing the violin, like knowing the stock market. You don’t show up one day to the Tate Gallery and proclaim that you want to give them a doodle you did in the bar down the street. NO. You work hard and learn how to paint! You don’t show up at the Metropolitan Opera one day and tell them you would like the lead in Rigoletto. You have to learn to use your voice and to act and so much more. You don’t walk into Wall Street one day and tell them you want to talk to Bernanke because you need to tell him how to do things. Same with gambling. If you walk into or log on at a casino, you damn well better know what you’re doing. Because if you don’t it’s insulting to those of us who do, and who earn our living at it.
Ever wonder why people at the blackjack table get mad at you after you hit one too many times? Seriously, ever wondered? It’s because you’re throwing the hand for them. They know how the game works. They know that you’re messing up the stats. You’re making their system less effective because you don’t know what you’re doing. There is a bad way to gamble and there is a good way to gamble. I believe that there is also a best way to gamble. First of all you need to know where to gamble. Then you have to learn why to gamble. And the last thing you have to know is how to gamble. If you don’t have all three you can never gamble the best way possible. There are too many pitfalls.
WHERE TO GAMBLE
It all depends on what you want. If you’re looking for material perks you go to land based casinos. They offer you nice accommodations and food. If you want intangible perks, you have to go online, they offer up bonuses that many people think are free money, but are actually something more complicated than that. So first the land casinos:
Macao is in China and it is insane. You could show up there and wager your own child if you wanted to. I don’t recommend it. They really will take your child if you lose. Try and explain that to the ball and chain. Here you will find every game known to man. You could even play War (the old card game you played in kindergarten with your sister) if you wanted to. Hell, I’ve seen people wager on Tic-Tac-Toe. Go to Macau if you’re insane, extremely rich, both, or mentally unbalanced. But just go. It’s amazing in a way that no other place is amazing. If you’re good at anything at all, you can earn money by betting on it.
Monaco is for the elite. Are you rich? Don’t bother. Extremely rich? Now you’re starting to talk the same language. This is gambling for vanity and entertainment. Most of the people who can afford to play in Monaco don’t know how to play. These aren’t professional gamblers. They are bored billionaires. What this means for you is that you can be almost guaranteed to beat them on skill, but not on bankroll. Anyone there can almost certainly outlast you in any game that requires surviving long losing streaks. Stick to the games you know well and you will come out a winner.
I love cruise ships. What can I say. I put this one on the list because, well, cruises are fun. You don’t have the same excellent odds on cruise ships as you do in most other types of casinos. What you have instead is a never ending buffet of five star food. Swimming pools, cocktails, and all manners of ways to make you feel like royalty. In a cruise ship your main advantage is that all the geezers are wasting their money on pokies. So the odds are significantly improved in the table games. And this is where you take your bets on a cruise. And if the cruise offers a Poker table, this is one of the few places where you stand the best chance of being the shark. Make sure to brush up on your Poker, though. You never know who will end up at the table with you. Don’t forget, these people may be old and grizzled, but they’ve been around the block a time or two, and might know their way around a Poker table.
If you’re going to play at one online casino, make it 888. Their bonuses are quite frankly, top of the line. Sure, there are other online casinos with humongous bonuses that make the $1,400 they give you look like chump change. But you would be making a big mistake. Not all bonuses are created equal, and the same goes for casinos as well. The beauty of the 888 Casino is in how loose their games are. Some of the machines are practically giving money away with a 100% or higher payout percentage. It’s up to you to find these gems and milk them for all they’re worth before they go back to their standard payouts. Even if you don’t, though, it doesn’t matter. Your $1,400 bonus will go a long way toward keeping you playing. The games are top of the line and the 888 Casino has the best reputation in the industry. Licensing in Malta. eCOGRA approval. Excellent customer service. The works.
You probably know how I feel about pokies. So why am I recommending JackpotCity? Simple. I know you better than you know yourself. You’re going to play those pokies no matter what I say. So I’m recommending the very best place to play the slot machines and to make the best bets possible. JackpotCity offers a payback percentage that rivals ans surpasses any land casino in the world by bounds and leaps. We’re talking about a 97% standard rate. Certain pokies at their casino crack 100.8%, which is higher than practically any casino on earth. JackpotCity Casino offers more than just pokies, though, so don’t be fooled by the name. Their bonus is enormous, hovering around $5,000. Another perk of the JackpotCity casino is that it has the best graphics of any online casino on the internet. It is flashy and full of pizzazz, and it looks incredible by any objective measure. JackpotCity casino is incredible by all accounts
Their bonus is a laugh inducing $400 so why is this one of the best places on the internet to go betting? They have one thing that no other casino has: a betting requirement that will actually allow you to withdraw the bonus money. Sure, some casinos will give you massive bonuses in the thousands of dollars range. Good luck ever withdrawing that money. I’m being sarcastic. You will never withdraw that money. Most of those places have 50x betting requirement. Meaning that for every $10 you want to withdraw from the bonus you have to bet $500. Did they give you $1000? Great. Now all you have to do is place $50,000 on the table in wagers. Then you can go home with the money. Not practical at all. So this is what makes Swiss Casino special. Their bonus wagering requirements are much, much lower than usual. Combined with the fact that the bonus itself is smaller and you’re looking at a bonus designed to be taken home by you. They’re special in other ways too. They offer an excellent product without download and they have full licensing in Gibraltar, by courtesy of the UK. For my money, Swiss Casino is one of your best bets. If Swiss Casino is not to your liking, check out the Eurogrand.